Closure

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Closure is a good thing.  We always talk about it being good ... and yes, I really do think it is good.  After months of uncertainty, of compounding negativity in so many facets of life, I finally have some closure!

Apologies have been made and accepted.  New boundaries have naturally formed, but a chapter is closed and the rest of life's story can continue to unfold without dragging the heavy baggage of hurt.

The c-word is unlikely to label me!  I feel some freedom now to tell you what happened.  It was a dodgy pap test result.  I have always had normal results so at the 2 year mark, I didn't rush out for another test.  I let another 6 months pass, distracted with what all mums are distracted with, before I arranged for the inevitable.  Five weeks later I am having a colposcopy.  It's tiring and confronting having people look up your baby-shute especially when there is no baby up there!!  Unfortunately, I have more of that to come- minor surgery and frequent paps . . . or so I suspect as the biopsy result is due in two weeks.  C-word is unlikely and yet to be ruled out completely but I have stats on my side.

I have deliberately been a bit vague on all the big issues going on.  It is because they are deeply personal and needn't be told in detail.  But I will tell you that I have never been this in love with my husband Rick as I am now.  We've been together for over 6 years and yet, despite thinking I was already in deep love, I have fallen even further.  Rick has stood by me during the toughest few months of my life.  We've communicated on a new level, bared souls, boosted eachother's spirits, sat in silence watching our little people, I cried, I sobbed, we prayed, we confessed and despite it all we laughed.  There is always a silver-lining to every cloud, I totally believe it. 

And my last piece of news is that we are moving and I am returning to full time work.  Good-bye Port Stephens NSW, and hello Hervey Bay Qld!  We move in 5 sleeps and will take 1 sleep enroute.  The little fellas are so excited with Liam asking every time we get in the car if we are going to Poppy's house.  We are moving to be closer to family- a move we should have made 3 years ago in hindsight.  I am just happy it is finally happening.  And returning to work?  I'll let you know how that goes once I actually find a job.

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If 'struggle is nature's way of strengthening' then I am going to be mighty strong by the end of this one!

My dear friends, thank you for clicking on my blog today when I have of late offered you nothing.  You know some of the struggles that I have faced lately, but because more and more kept landing on my plate, I didn't couldn't drag you through it too.

You know about my lost friendship with two people I thought were rock-solid, who I thought knew and understood me, who I thought would stand next to me rain, hail or shine.  The dissolving of that friendship, that I truly cherished but couldn't do a thing to save, crumbled me.  Up to that point, my husband and I had been enduring one trial after the other that we faced as a family.  Little did we know what was to follow.

Without getting too depressing, there is more.  A major family rift; a life not realised; a life changing decision and the c-word.  Yes, I have to undergo a test to rule out the dreaded c-word (can't say or write it as it isn't a reality so why bother?)

That is where I have been . . . under a massive rock.  I'll admit that my faith has waned, and I felt the strain but I know my Saviour has never left my side and watches over my family.  Next to my computer, I have an excerpt from that poem 'Footprints', it reads:

During your times of trial and suffering

when you saw only one set of footprints,

it was then that I carried you ...

On a lighter note, I have completed some knitting projects, finished the back of my quilt and need to update you on my hair (as one does).  I hope to get that all to you soon.

Thanks for stopping by and I hope this post wasn't too dreary and awkward.

Love  Fi xxx