Closure is a good thing. We always talk about it being good ... and yes, I really do think it is good. After months of uncertainty, of compounding negativity in so many facets of life, I finally have some closure!
Apologies have been made and accepted. New boundaries have naturally formed, but a chapter is closed and the rest of life's story can continue to unfold without dragging the heavy baggage of hurt.
The c-word is unlikely to label me! I feel some freedom now to tell you what happened. It was a dodgy pap test result. I have always had normal results so at the 2 year mark, I didn't rush out for another test. I let another 6 months pass, distracted with what all mums are distracted with, before I arranged for the inevitable. Five weeks later I am having a colposcopy. It's tiring and confronting having people look up your baby-shute especially when there is no baby up there!! Unfortunately, I have more of that to come- minor surgery and frequent paps . . . or so I suspect as the biopsy result is due in two weeks. C-word is unlikely and yet to be ruled out completely but I have stats on my side.
I have deliberately been a bit vague on all the big issues going on. It is because they are deeply personal and needn't be told in detail. But I will tell you that I have never been this in love with my husband Rick as I am now. We've been together for over 6 years and yet, despite thinking I was already in deep love, I have fallen even further. Rick has stood by me during the toughest few months of my life. We've communicated on a new level, bared souls, boosted eachother's spirits, sat in silence watching our little people, I cried, I sobbed, we prayed, we confessed and despite it all we laughed. There is always a silver-lining to every cloud, I totally believe it.
And my last piece of news is that we are moving and I am returning to full time work. Good-bye Port Stephens NSW, and hello Hervey Bay Qld! We move in 5 sleeps and will take 1 sleep enroute. The little fellas are so excited with Liam asking every time we get in the car if we are going to Poppy's house. We are moving to be closer to family- a move we should have made 3 years ago in hindsight. I am just happy it is finally happening. And returning to work? I'll let you know how that goes once I actually find a job.