 |
| image |
When the girls all gathered in the toilets, exactly where they were 10 years earlier and remarking that it is like nothing has changed despite all the changes in their lives, I totally related.
How is it that experiences at school, or for childhood that matter, can stick with you and rear its
I was bullied at school and who knows, maybe someone will list me as their bully (although, I don't believe I was). And I still carry the scars that really hurt at seemingly random times. For instance, I find it hard to trust and easily make friends with women who I think are stunningly beautiful. They can be really nice but I find myself wondering what their true motivation is in talking to me. I have recently met two ladies who I think I very pretty, always dressed nicely and are very nice but it has taken me a while to not feel like an ugly troll around them. They make me feel this way by just being caste from the same apparent mold as some of the girls that used to bully me. And then, let's face it, I began bullying myself internally and guess what?! I still do!! These ladies are truly very nice and I am finding myself becoming less neurotic around them. I would even bet that if they knew that they are who I am referring to, they would be shocked. All reason tells me that but long ago deep scarring just doesn't seem to be ignored/healed easily.
But I am a work in progress! Praise God that "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here!" (NIV) 2 Corinthians 5:17
I have been healed many times over by falling in love with Jesus. I am so grateful that I have answered his knocking on my heart's door because he is my strength and my shield (Mathew 7:8 and Psalm 28:7) I am healed and can turn to Him in my weakness (Romans 8:26, 1 Cor 2:3, 2 Cor 12:9-10).
Do you have triggers that can bring you back to that moment you were made to feel very small?
I hope you have found healing too.
xxx
Thanks for sharing this Fiona. I admit I watched it as well and could relate to what you are talking about. Even when I lose 20 million kilos I think I will still struggle with feeling unattractive- because I was called ugly etc at school. The healing is a continual process isn't it? God bless you my friend ♥
ReplyDeleteYou know, Jesus says what we do to the least of His people we do unto Him. So, when I realise that I am chiding myself, I remember that I am putting down a child of God and hurting Jesus not to mention perpetuating the rotten work of satan who targets us from birth. We need to start loving ourselves as Christ loves us and a good way to start this is by loving and doting on others. xxxx
ReplyDeleteBicycle helmets. They remind me of being a teenager, daughter of a loving and protective mum who bought me one of the first bicycle helmets in the city of Dublin. This was hilarious to the popular girls who threw it from one to the other to the other as I tried to get it back. Cheeks burning with embarrassment. I can't quite look at a bike helmet now without a little bit of that memory sneaking in. Luckily I've grown enormously in confidence since that time and I wouldn't change who I am for anyone. Especially not ghosts from my past!
ReplyDelete